Month: October 2016

Let’s get real!

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I made a very big commitment to myself when I decided to start this blog.  I was going to quit showing “the Facebook” life and start being real in every area of my life.  I will be honest this scares the crap out of me.  When you have been in sales as long as I have you learn how to be what people expect you to be.  I try as hard as I possibly can to not fall into this trap but I find myself doing it all the time. 

On the surface my life looks pretty dang good and if I am honest and don’t whine, it really is!  However there are certain aspects of my life that are hard to deal with and I am hoping that my advice/way of dealing with them, can help you deal with them as well.

****DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and I am not saying nor claiming that this is the best way to deal with these situations or that my way will work for you, so please do not take this as such.  What I am speaking about here can be dangerous at certain levels and does not need to be taken lightly.****

For about the last 2 – 3 years I have been dealing with depression.  (I am not going to rate my depression as severe or minor due to the fact that I don’t know your level of depression and I am not going to try and make a comparison) This has been one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with in my life.  Those that know me, know how much of a control freak I am, and with depression you do not control anything except for the steps that you take to defeat it. I have dealt with it by quitting my previous job because I thought that was what was causing it, which it was. I have dealt with it by seeing a counselor so I could talk about it, and although this may help some it did not help me. I have dealt with it with medication, which did help me get through an extremely bad part of it but long term was not my solution. So my next step is the one that I should have taken a long time ago, but have just been doing for the last couple of months, and that is to turn it over to God and share what he is doing with me.

First I will start with what do I mean by this. Well, the simple sarcastic answer is, exactly what I said, I turned it over to God and am letting him handle it.  But that would not make for a very good read or would it give those feeling helpless many steps to follow.  So, this is what I mean:

  • I am setting aside time every day to spend with God: prayer and reading
    • I can tell you from experience the days I fail at this step are the days that I struggle.  It really is amazing to me when I see myself struggling that I can immediately realize that I have skipped this for a day or so.

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  • I am leaving time to study and discuss God’s word with my family
    • I believe that God blesses those that raise their family to respect and glorify him.  It was hard to start but is amazing now.  We read 3 chapters of the Bible every night, underline what sticks out to us or makes an impact on us, discuss it, and then pray over it. This sometimes seems as a burden but I assure you it is one of my favorite parts of the day and is becoming the most valuable time we spend as a family.

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  • I am leaving space for God to do what he wants in my life.
    • This is hard for me because I am a planner but there are many times that we let ourselves get so busy and preoccupied with life that we do not allow God to add anything to our calendars or life.  So I have been intentional with as I plan stuff trying to leave time for God.  This may end up being a time for nothing as that may be what God feels you need but it may also be an opportunity for me to serve, do something I would never have done when I was busy, or just spend some down time resting and being thankful for all the blessings God has provided for me.  Either way it is His time not mine.

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  • I am trying to learn how to say no.
    • This one goes along with the one above very closely.  God does not want you to be a part of everything just to say you are a part of everything.  He also does not want you a part of nothing.  He wants you a part of somethings where your gifts can be used to spread His message in the most effective manner.  This is hard for me cause as a close friend tells me I want to do everything and I want to do it as BIG as possible.  I am coming to terms with the less is more mentality but it is hard!

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  • The last and hardest step for me is I am praying everyday for contentment!
    • I am not a keep up with the Jones’ person but I am an improve everyday person. This is a dangerous personality because you are always looking how to make your situation better; well, sometimes God is saying your situation is pretty dang good right where it is.  I have to get used to this and it is something that the only way I will be content with is through God’s power, so everyday I have to ask him for this.

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Now as I mentioned this is not a DIY checklist and I am not saying this is the way to a cure for depression but it is working pretty good for me and I hope it can add some hope for those of you out there suffering.  There is relief you just have to not give up on finding it.

I am going to be expanding on this more in later blogs but as I said this is the way I am handling it and I will continue with how it is going at a later date.  So, until next time! Thank you

 

Humble Pie

I’ve had the great joy of being around someone that, as of late, has been venting, about EVERYTHING, loudly. My ears are so full of negativity I’ve considered searching Amazon to price out the best ear plugs.

I was discussing (gossiping) with another friend about this resident ranter when she politely hit me with an epic truth, “You know, my grandmother always told me that when something really bothers you about another person, it’s probably because it bothers you about yourself”. Wow! Chew, chew, swallow, swallow. Excuse me while I choke down this piece of humble pie that grandma just served up. Mmmmmm, is that a hint of crow I’m tasting?

This one. Doesn't taste as good as it looks.
This one. Doesn’t taste as good as it looks.

Needless to say, my friend’s words of wisdom got me thinking. How many times have I been the one “just venting”? How many times have I used the phrase “I just gotta say”? Oh sorry, excuse me while I take one more bite of that humble pie. No, no, leave the fork. I’m sure I’ll be taking another bite in a moment.

I recall a conversation (argument) with my husband a while back. I had been coming home, day after day, complaining about problems at work. After enduring this for a while he proceeded to tell me, in that fabulously husband way of his, everything I was doing wrong, and how to fix it. Well, like my father in law used to say, that went over like a fat lady doing high jump. I believe the shouting match went something like “I wasn’t asking you to fix it, I just needed to vent!”. Followed by, “Well I’m sick and tired of listening to you complain! Why do you even bring it up if you’re not going to do anything but bitch about it?”. And so on and so forth, more yelling, tears, I’m sorrys, hugging, blah, blah, blah.

But you know what, oh I hate saying this, he was right. How many times can you say that “just venting” has solved your problems? Do you feel any better about the situation when you do nothing but bitch and moan about it? How often am I complaining about an issue without taking the time to look for a solution? And, oh this is the big one, how does my constant grumbling effect the power of my words?

I feel some serious life lessons coming my way here. Oh wait, just a few more bites of that humble pie to go with them. Gulp. Whew, those were tough bites to choke down. Ok, big girl panties are out of the drawer, here we go.

Now those are some big girl panties!
Now those are some big girl panties!

Lesson numero uno. Do not continue to vent, complain, bitch, moan, argue, criticize, bellyache or grumble about a problem if you’re not going to present a solution. No one wants to listen to you bemoan what you perceive (oooo there’s another nugget) as an issue all day long if you’re not actually going to do something about it

Oh, I get it (cue the lightbulb). My problem is my griping about my problems. Yeah, I know, I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes. So, let me give this a try. If I see a problem, and have a solution for that problem, it’s okay to talk about it? Yes, within reason. So I should shout my solution over and over and over again until someone listens? Nope, do that and you’re back to where you started. So once is enough? Dang, this gets harder and harder. Does Amazon sell muzzles?

But what if I don’t have the power or authority to solve the problem? If I don’t loudly voice to everyone in my reach that there is a problem how are they supposed to know there’s a problem? Here’s an easy way to answer that. If I was the boss would I want my employees shouting our issues from the rooftops? Alright, alright, point taken. If it’s not my problem to fix, shut up. I look good in blue, maybe Amazon has that muzzle in a nice blue to match my eyes.

Does this come in my size?
Does this come in my size?

Okay, another bite of humble pie choked down and the first leg is in the big girl panties.  Let me lay the next one on ya.

Lesson numero dos.  If all people hear out of your mouth is whine, whine, whine, they’re going to stop listening. Remember the boy who cried wolf?  He flapped his gums so much that everyone ignored him, even when he finally had something important to say. Can I bedazzle my blue muzzle, just to give it a little pizzaz?

Like most people, I’ve always wanted to be a positive influence wherever I go.  Well, I can’t exactly influence those around me if they’ve already invested in those same ear plugs I was considering earlier.  I could have a great idea, a real problem solver.  But if I’ve griped and yapped about the problem for months before offering up my solution, chances are it’s going to fall on deaf ears.  Get it, ear plugs, deaf ears. No?  Okay, I’ll move on.

Fork at the ready, bite choked down, second leg in, here we go.

Lesson numero tres.  If a solution doesn’t present itself or you do not have the power to change a situation, you need to change your attitude towards it. Anyone else remember your parents telling you that you needed an attitude adjustment?  If you continue to find yourself knee deep in the same muck time and again, maybe you are the problem.  Ouch!  That bite of humble pie was the toughest yet.  I think I cracked a tooth!

Sometimes changing the way you look at a problem makes it much less of a problem.  It’s that whole mole hills mountains thing.  If I would just step back and take deep breath instead of charging in with lips flapping I might have a better chance of seeing the whole big picture.  Who knows?  I might even like the artwork.

Okay, I’ve chewed, choked, gagged, and finally swallowed my humble pie.  Now it’s time to pull those big girl panties all the way up, belly button high, and put these lessons into action.

Oh shoot!  Here I am trying to do it all by myself again. My sure fire, tried and true way of falling on my face.  Before I break my nose let’s pray.

Gracious, merciful Father.  Please guide my thoughts and words.  Help me to shut my mouth when I need to (that bedazzled blue muzzle might help), and speak up with authority when I’m supposed to.  Please help me to maintain the right attitude for every situation (the occasional butt kicking may be necessary here), and take the time to stop and admire your beautiful plan hidden within the chaos I love to create.  Amen.

Planned Change

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This verse has been driving me absolutely insane over the past few months, for several reasons.

A year and a half ago we made the decision to pick up and move back home, to Texas from Colorado where we lived for almost 4 years.  Shelby was offered an amazing job and then all of the pieces really just started falling into place.  I have always believed that when you have prayed about things and then through your praying and family discussions you come to a consensus everything starts to fall in place; God is working!  Everything really did, that is until we got in place.  From some growing pains with Taylor, to finding a new church, to dealing with the loss of my little brother from another mother made us question if this really was the move God wanted us to make.

We had prayed and prayed and then took steps and prayed for the steps to only be successful if this was the right move and it was. Everything led to this being the right move so why was it so hard now that we made it?

Well, I have my theories but I have also read and read in the bible that God does not always make things easy (man I wish HE would!).  He gave us the ability to make choices and with that power comes a lot of struggles in our life.  I also know that as much as I would like to think that every choice I made during this move and every choice our family made during this move was prayed over, I would be lying to you and to myself.  So, I can pretty much guarantee you that during this process I made choices that were for me and strictly my decision and not right in line with what God wanted me to do.  I am also sure that the struggles that have occurred are strictly due to my decisions and not the plan that God put in place.

The other side of this coin is that we do not remember all the good that has come out of this nearly as much as we remember the bad.  We got to spend some valuable time with Shelby’s Papa prior to him unexpectedly passing away, that we would not have gotten had we still lived in Colorado, our new home is spectacular, Taylor’s doing great in school (even though he doesn’t think so), and of course the fact that it is Oct 21 and I am sitting outside and it is 70 degrees while Colorado is under a freeze warning. The list could seriously go on and on.  It truly is so hard for us to think about the good things even close to as much as we think about the bad.

So with all that said, I do believe we are exactly where God wants us to be, for now, but this verse has still been driving me nuts.  With the endless choices we can make in our life God already has it planned out from beginning to end!!  He had it planned out before we were ever conceived. How amazing is our God!?! This verse should never scare you but should always comfort you. No matter where you go or the choices you make as long as the most important choice, accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior, has been made; you may trip, fall, crash, burn, or even all out be a crash test dummy but when you turn back to your heart He will be there and His plan for you will be waiting!! That my friends is an absolute amazing promise!!!

Until next time!

Mom’s turn

Hello all!  My name is Shelby, and I am a

  • Wife
  • Mom
  • Nurse
  • Daughter
  • Granddaughter
  • Aunt
  • Sister
  • Friend
  • Teacher
  • Counselor
  • Pet Momma
  • Gardner (sorta)
  • Writer (kinda)
  • Chef (I haven’t burned the house down yet)
  • Laundress (not my favorite)
  • Dish Fairy (definitely not my favorite)
  • Homework Guru (yeah right)
  • Book Worm
  • Finder of lost socks and legos

Yes, like many of you working mommas, I hold many titles.  Some I love more than others.  Some are the best there is in life.  And I do my best to give my best to each and every one of them.

Don’t get me wrong.  Ask anyone that knows me if I actually have it together enough to be able to do any of these jobs and they’ll just give you a look like you’ve dropped your basket.  I don’t have it together, and after all these crazy years I can finally admit that I don’t, and that’s okay.

Why, you ask?  How can it be okay that I’m not always okay?  How can it be okay that I was late to work, again, because I turned my alarm off, again?  How can it be okay that I missed dinner, again, because I was working late, again?  How can it be okay that the laundry is piled to the rafters in the laundry room, and the sink is full of smelly day old dishes?  How can it be okay that I have absolutely no idea how to help my son with his math homework, and may lose my mind trying?  How can it be okay that I still can’t train the stupid, oh sorry I meant cute, puppy not to steal every single sock in this crazy house? How can it be okay that Matt Damon can grow potatoes in his own poop on Mars, but I can’t get one single plant to even think about growning in my garden?  How can it be okay…well you get the picture.

There’s one title I didn’t put on the list that makes all my not okayness (yeah I made that up), okay.  One title that wipes all that other craziness out and trumps any title I have or will ever hold.  I am a Child of God!  I serve a wonderful, Holy, Risen Savior that takes all my not okayness, and turns it into something beautiful.

Its taken a lot of hard learned lessons for me to finally see His beauty in the midst my chaos.  It’s taken a lot of struggle through each and every one of my many titles to see that He is ultimately in control of them all.

I hope you’ll join my family and I on this great adventure through life, finding His beauty in the chaos. I hope that you will pray with us, laugh with us (or at us, I am the queen of unintentional entertainment), cry with us, travel with us, learn with us, and love with us.  I also hope that you will share with us the beauty that God creates out of your own chaos.

Continue reading Mom’s turn